‘Maintaining’

I am in the bath! Feeling shite after eating two twixes with my cup of tea and as I see it in black and white I realise how ridiculous that is because twixes, tea and bubble baths are a few of my favourite things.

I have had a pretty normal day at work. Nothing bad has happened, I’m not stressed, unhappy or deprived of anything I need… But for around 3 weeks now I have been mindlessly snacking between meals for one reason or another.

Ultimately I have not actually gained any actual weight from my snacking adventures, the scales have been pretty decent to me… But I just know I can’t get away with this for much longer. It’s bound to catch up with me sooner or later!

I never anticipated quite how hard it would be to ‘maintain’ or even thought about what ‘maintaining’ actually meant to me, wether it be weight or a state of happiness which stemmed from generally feeling better about myself…

I seem to be in a vicious circle at the moment starting the day with ALL the best intentions, planning my meals etc etc but somewhere in the day I lose my way and just decide to ‘treat’ myself…. Despite the scales not changing, I feel crappy and I can’t stop thinking about food in a slightly obsessive way, like knowing it’s bad but doing it anyway. It freaks me out because I see how easily I could become 16 stone again.

It’s weigh in tonight and I really don’t want to go. It’s also pancake day and i fully intend on having a couple of naughty pancakes!! I’m thinking maybe I will have the pancakes and weigh in tomorrow with a view to try and be a bit better tomorrow… 

There is no actual point to this post other than I needed to write this all down and hopefully it will make me feel better and hopefully I will start being a bit kinder to myself! 

Also I would really really love to hear that I’m not a crazy person and that other people have been or are in the same position!?

L x